Should I Contact My Ex After A Breakup?

Learn more about Charice from Ex Back Expertise

It is common to have a lot of conflicting feelings after a breakup. You might miss your ex, but you might be furious at him at the same time. You might feel sad, but you know that your ex is definitely not the right person to help you. Emotion is messed with by logic and it can sound confusing all over. You might still have the need to text your ex even though you clear your mind a little bit and time goes by. When you have made up your mind to go with it, about how long do you go after a breakup without calling your ex?

Frankly, it depends. Most notably, however, while the relationship is destructive, it is not a smart idea to contact your partner, because the desire to get in touch is motivated by dysfunctional relationship needs.

In the other hand, if the relationship was stable and things did not end in a horrible mess, then it could be a different story to reach back out. Still, Brenner suggests that before hitting send, it is necessary to take a step back.

Lingering feelings can linger when it comes to your ex, so be mindful of what those feelings mean to you before you contact them.

Charice from Ex Back Expertise recommends to wait until the intense reactions calm down. In other words, it is more likely to be difficult to reach out to the other person while the feeling of needing to be back together, the unbearable separation, the desire for the other person (if it is there), the erotic feelings, and so on, are still high. You could miss them, but Brenner stresses that if you do so too fast, reaching out might result in further complications.

It is more likely that getting in touch would lead to problems during that initial post-breakup phase, either hooking up and regretting it, getting back together and second-guessing it, saying hurtful things out of frustration and disappointment, and so on.

The one caveat here is that in order to move forward effectively, it also appears that we need to reach back to figure out what that is like. In other words, knowing that reaching out to an ex so soon is not exactly helpful could be a lesson that you have to learn the hard way, if you believe reaching out (no matter how much time has passed) could finally get you closure.

But it typically takes several months for most people to really get an opportunity to get through the post-breakup period to the point that they would contact an ex if the relationship was meaningful and the breakup was painful or unclear.

The truth of the matter is that the strength of the relationship must diminish and move away from a romantic bond in order to split up effectively. Time can feel like it is going incredibly slowly when you split up with someone, and the desire to go out to an ex can feel unavoidable. We are not only losing a partner, but we are losing the vision of who we would have been with them, and the life we would have dreamed together.

Breakups are tough, but even though it may feel like reaching back to your ex would solve things. Wait for a few months and see what happens.

RELATED: How Long Does It Take To Get Over A Breakup?

 

How long should you wait to talk to your ex after a breakup?

It is time for some soul searching to be completed. If you want to chat to your ex boyfriend because you are not over him and want his love, keep making no contact with him. Feel free if you want to talk to your ex and you are willing to move on and you do not want any bad feelings there.

Find out what your motives are before you cross the bridge, and if you speak before either of you are able, it might end up costing all of you a lot of pain. Break-ups are complicated and boundaries are crucial, especially if the two of you have agreed to end things together. You may not want to compromise his right to get over the relationship with him.

I do not believe that you need to wait for the right fixed time. When you feel like your emotions have evened back out since your breakup, I guess the best indicator of when it is acceptable to chat again is.

If you are still talking, it can be incredibly difficult to move on from a breakup and it can also be daunting to continue to be friends only while you are also struggling to recover. Speaking again will begin to dig up those old emotions if you are not vigilant, and bring you right back to where you started when you first broke up. You will need to note that one of you might start dating someone else at some moment, and the other person would have to find a way to be at ease with that.

Give yourself some time and you will know that you are able to talk to each other again when you feel like your emotions have died down and you are not hurting anymore. I think it is very good that you have finished things amicably enough to be able to decide by allowing each other some time to chat again. That was a very mature way for things to be done.

RELATED: How Long Does It Take For An Ex To Miss You With No Contact?

Should I tell my ex I miss him?

In short, based on the case, it varies.

If the break-up was because of you, you may like to remind your ex that you miss him. But do not expect 'I miss you too,' because he actually no longer thinks the same way, has already gone on happily, and maybe he/she blames you for the pain you caused.

In the other hand, if your ex prompted the break up, maybe you should remind him that you are missing them. My advice, though, is, don't. When the answer is not what you want it to be, you will break your own heart. Chances are, after reading your text, they may keep you bluetick, read but never answer, block you. You are going to hurt yourself more, so break your heart some more. It is going to kill your pride, your self-worth. You do not want to waste your time, pal, on that. It is natural for anyone to be missed. In fact, when we love them. All the broken ones are done. Whether through you or through your ex. Harm has been done.

Now, it is either you or your ex that is getting hit. You miss him because you really love him/her, or you regret leaving him/her, or you need him/her, or because you still love him/her, but there are conditions that prohibit you from being together, including family, etc. Or were there other people involved? Much like cheating?

I am not familiar with your whole story. And I really do not judge.

Regardless of the case, if the feeling is real, there is no dirty trick, and you just skip it with no ulterior motive. Yeah. Yes. Yes. You might tell your former boyfriend about it. But note, maybe the responses are not in your favour. You do not like the reply or the other party's answer. Just keep calm, though. And you are going to say them that you are honest, and you are not going to demand anything in return. That it should be more than adequate for you to be able to say them, to share your feelings.

So, whether you want to tell him or her, just say it.

RELATED: How Long Should You Wait To Talk To Your Ex After A Breakup

 

Will an ex ever contact you again?

It is contingent on the conditions. Maybe it is not today, maybe it is not tomorrow, maybe it is not even this year or even twenty years now. If he is of the type of Mr. Inaccessible and has not seen the mistake of his ways, his overblown ego, complete disconnect, and sometimes arrogant, using ways, means that at some stage he is likely to make contact.

The best way for men who do not know how to get the fuck out of your life and let you move on, to know that you are over them, to be welcomed with the door locked. Repetitively, endlessly.

They will get tired finally. It is going to be quite annoying and it is going to be a test of your willpower if you are not quite above him. But finally, they do get the hint, especially if you have already moved on.

Flip-flappers are men who do not want to let you go, but who still do not want to give you what you want.

They do not know about their elbow arses, but they do not devote themselves to being with you, and they can not commit themselves to not being with you. If they like you, they are not sure, but if they do not like you, they are not sure. And whatever energy they have accumulated in order to feel something for you, they have no idea why they feel it.

The worst kinds of men are ego and... mostly penis oriented, such as Mr. Unavailables and assclowns. The dick does not know why she needs it, only because she wants to get laid out in some common territory... and then hotfoot it right out of your life the moment they think you like, need, or expect more from them!

RELATED: Signs Your Ex Will Eventually Come Back

 

Why you shouldn't message your ex?

One of the toughest choices that you can make is sending a text to your ex. Here are only a handful of reasons why this is a dreadful idea.

There might be a temptation to give your ex a text message after a bad break up. This is never a concept that is good. Even a brief note, obviously harmless, may trigger problems. Here are just a couple of reasons why it is easier to stop contacting an ex.

 

1) You are trying to give your ex the consolation of understanding that you are not above them.

They have no way of telling whether you have moved on or are still thinking about them if you and your ex do not talk. As soon as you send the text, you remove all the hesitation. Even a short text reveals that you are not over the breakup yet.

In post-breakup territory, this provides the ex with the upper hand. Never, ever surrender the upper hand just to put out a text message.

 

2) It just feels like a desperate one.

You are simply saying, "I want to get back together," when you text your ex. That always comes off as depressed and hopeless. And if you are dying to get back together with your ex, your only choice is silence.

Instead of attempting to influence the situation with a text message, encourage your ex to come to you. There is nothing you can tell for getting them back once your ex has broken up with you.

 

3) That would just help you postpone getting over your ex.

In the end, you are going to have to come to a point where you are very above your ex. You are actually prolonging the inevitable as you text them. You are only ever going to be able to move on by getting your ex out of your mind and finding yourself. Sending a text message to your ex totally derails that development.

No matter how much you want the text to be sent out, fight the temptation.

 
4) Trying to find closure, you can make yourself insane.

Ultimately, if you are contacting your ex to find resolution in your relationship, you are just going to make yourself nuts. In trying to figure out what went "wrong" with them, People are just searching for closure so they can repair it to try and get their ex back.

Literally, this almost never works. What you need to know is that the two of you were not compatible with each other and just leave it at that.

RELATED: For The Love Of GOD, Do Not Text Your Ex

 

Is calling your ex a bad idea?

First thing is first: you need to remember that it is completely natural to try to reach out to an ex. This does not make you hopeless, or miserable, or any other slur culture might use against any woman who ever experiences any sort of feeling. It is about what it is. There are many reasons why you would feel the need for an ex to reach out.

We miss them, they feel sad, and particularly if the relationship was one where you felt really emotionally supportive and you broke up for other reasons, it can be difficult to let go of that! It is natural to try to reach out to an ex for affirmation, feeling supported or just the comfort of someone who knows you and loved you at one time! Again, again,

If you just need more information from them because you have exhausted more passive contact strategies (text or email), it is OK to call your ex. It would also be helpful if you decided to take space to decide what you all needed for a period of time after you broke up.

However, before contacting an ex, if it is not an immediate matter or you may not wish to get back together, then think long and hard. There might be any consequences. You may get re-attached, your ex might get re-attached, and if either of you has future new partners, those new partners will feel upset or insulted that you have met an ex.

So tread carefully. Chances are, it is not going to end well. Do not do so because you have a particular direct justification that absolutely needs you to reach out to an ex.

 RELATED: Will Ex forget me during no contact?

When should you contact your ex?

There is certainly a time when calling your ex is appropriate, particularly when there are indications that you two will be able to reconnect. These signs include voicing and displaying sincere responsibility and regret for upsetting you. Another indication is that your ex is exhibiting continuity to improve.

Everyone will change for a moment, but the key we are looking for in a life partner is to be resilient and to withstand meaningful change.

You should just take your own emotional temperature. From moment to moment, emotions change. Go with it if it feels right. Just remember: assuming almost nothing is the secret to reaching out to an ex.

It is important to note that you parted ways in the first place before considering contact with an ex despite having no contact. Whether the relationship ended when there was violence or you feel like you were in danger, it might be better to prevent contact.

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