When Should You Contact Your Ex?

 

It is never quick to get over a breakup. It is difficult to break ties completely after you have spent time in a person, developed a lasting relationship, and gotten used to having them as a core part of your life. It is no wonder, then, that it can be almost impossible to urge your ex to text. 

You might feel the urge to give them a piece of your mind, you might want to remind them that you are terribly missing them, or you might just want to see how they do it. There is no correct or incorrect answer when it comes to contacting your ex, but if you have felt the need to make contact, you know how agonizing the decision can be.

Why We Feel the Urge to Text an Ex

To alleviate a feeling of depression, many people can not avoid thinking about their ex obsessively. Others, who liked their ex so much, will not let go of it. Some are scared of going out there again, but as a way to remain engaged and not feel single again, they keep their former relationship intact.

The main factor is the desire to let go ultimately. It can be tough not to get the temptation to text them while continually thinking about them.

For a different period of time, everybody is hanging on. By messaging your ex, certain people prevent the agony of rejection and sorrow. Others who have been seriously injured can close the vault to their heart under lock and seal it safe. You need to know yourself and appreciate the pacing of your personal life.

RELATED: How Effective Is The No Contact Rule

When It's Acceptable to Contact Your Ex

There is certainly a time when contacting your ex is appropriate, particularly when there are indications that you two may be able to reconcile. Those signs include voicing and showing sincere responsibility and regret for what harmed you.

Another indication is that with consistency, the ex shows shift. Everyone will change for a moment, but the key we are looking for in a life partner is to be resilient and to withstand meaningful change. There is no fixed time limit for how long to wait before reaching out if you find like this is the situation.

Just you can take your own emotional temperature. Feelings change from moment to moment. If it feels right, go for it." Just remember: assuming almost zero is the secret to reaching out to an ex.

When you are ready, start dating again, and in the meantime, it is fine to keep in contact with your ex via text; just make sure that they do not ignore you or cause you any discomfort.

RELATED: 4 Signs The No Contact Rule Is Working

 

When should I reach out to my ex?

Reaching out to an ex is something that sometimes happens, but without a lot of thought, it is not something that should be done. There are important things to remember first, to prevent both you and the other person from getting injured, regardless of whether you wish to get in touch to see whether you can rekindle your romantic relationship, start a friendship or simply get some closure.

Why would you like to get your ex in touch? In order to manage the situation, understanding the answer to this question is necessary. Be sure that you are not either sad, or bored, or that you want publicity.

Ask yourself: What am I hoping to gain from this connection being rekindled? You are going to want to make sure your efforts are pure and that they come from a wholesome place.

If you were hoping to sabotage their current relationship or lead them back to keep them in your love pipeline, so you will do your best to shut down your attempts. If you are trying to rekindle what you have had, before reaching out, make sure your ex is not in a relationship.

If you still have romantic feelings, it is not a good idea to be polite with an ex, especially if that ex has moved on to a new relationship.

With your contact, be thoughtful.

It is OK to contact him or her with some sort of neutral response until you know that you still want to be in contact again, whether the ex has asked that you not contact him or her, or has a restraining order.

Perhaps to let him or her know about an incident that he or she might care about, or simply to say, " In fact, being on good terms " In practice, it can be a very good thing to be on good terms. When both of you will be mature about the relationship and not want to argue about what went wrong.

That being said, before reaching out, make sure you have got closure on your breakup.

When you have finally absorbed and recovered from the breakup, the perfect time to reach out to an ex.

In other words, share the scars, not your bruises. After you have both been through the grief and been at a point of emotional awareness about what happened, you will only be able to have a high-quality conversation. Rebuilding is made even more possible from that venue. Start slow before you reach out. With loads of emails, do not "overwhelm someone".

Instead, "focus on the goal of getting together in person to see if there is potential to build on the initial relationship," she said, if you are looking to catch up to talk.

Keep the contact clear, and concentrate on creating a date and time for a meeting.

And if you reach out and you do not get an answer, do not try to seek it.

RELATED: How Long Should You Wait To Talk To Your Ex After A Breakup

 

Should I wait for my ex to contact me first?

You need to stop because your ex does not make contact first, and instead, you are the one who keeps reaching out.

I mean by "stop" that you need to cut off all efforts to gain approval from a person who obviously does not give you any.

The curiosity level of your ex is way too minimal for him or her to continue messaging you.

So if that is what is happening right now, if your ex even responds to your texts, count yourself lucky.

For a minute, consider putting yourself in the shoes of your ex.

Let us presume you have a person who does not like messages you get many times a day telling you to speak to him.

He is doing this day and night and he is practically begging you to visit him.

Naturally, because you do not want to be a part of his insecure life, you would avoid this person like the plague.

But since you are a good person, you manage to answer and leave it to yourself. You are simply not interested in taking things any further.

For your ex, the same thing applies. He or she is thanking you for your time and space.

RELATED: How Long Should I Wait For My Ex

So the best you can do is to pick up and let your ex be the last bits of your integrity.

Your ex has to be the one to start contact first for you to have a good conversation with your ex.

You are no longer in a relationship with your ex, and it is almost difficult to remain friends soon after the breakup.

That is why you are no longer held together by something that takes you closer to rivals than to friends.

But to be frank, when you are enemies, the odds of reconciliation are definitely better.

And it is because your ex is still not able to speak to you, so stop pushing your ex into conversations.

Keep your thoughts away and wait until your ex changes his or her mind about you.

Depending on his or her attitude and how much you have driven your ex, your ex might or might not do so.

Yet you will ideally be in a neutral state by the time your ex changed his or her mind, and affirmation from your ex will no longer matter to you.

You need to realize that detachment is a strong condition in which to be.

The time that your ex is no longer "needed" is when you can see your ex for who he or she really is.

For both you and your ex, the time apart is very good as it will help you appreciate what went wrong with the relationship and whether you want the fractured relationship to be pursued.

Basically, it suggests that you trust your ex and the relationship even more than your ex loves you because your ex does not reach out and establish contact first.

It is sad that your ex is not as involved as you in conversing, but that is just the way breakups are.

If he or she really loved you, your ex will not be away from you for long. Your ex does not want you to move on and lose you permanently, either with someone else or on your own.

Your gut instinct now that you are breaking up tells you to chase after your ex or your ex is going to move on.

Yet the fact of the matter is that the worst has happened already.

You missed your ex, but it should be your next goal not to drive your ex farther away 

But when your ex does not start and you text first, do not think about it.

Your ex can not be as happy as you believe, even though he or she seems to be.

After the breakup, the pride of your ex is still way too high for your ex to contact you before your ego takes a blow.

Get More Ex Back Advice here.

 

Is it healthy to keep in touch with an ex?

It is never as cut-and-dry as just saying farewell, even when the rough part is done. Staying in contact with an ex is much simpler and messier in today's smartphone-centric, Facebook-addicted, Instagram-obsessed world.

Is there a response to unfriend, unfollow, and block? Will you be able to check in via text? Do you wish them a happy birthday while you are being prodded relentlessly by Facebook?

Every case, as with all things in love, is individual. And there are certain practical reasons, of course, for keeping in touch with an ex. For starters, if you have kids together or have a company.

Or maybe you want to stay friends with an ex because it is an easier choice than suddenly breaking ties, or because you already feel close to them emotionally. Those reasons are precisely why it is not a smart idea to keep in contact with an ex.

RELATED: What's Really Going on When People Stay in Touch With Exes

How Emotionally Connected Are You?

Dream of your ex. What are you feeling like? Charice Chen from Ex Back Expertise says that if you genuinely do not feel something absolutely, 100% neutral, an emotional zero on a scale from one to 10, then it could be possible to remain friends with them in a safe and practical way. 

About the problem? The rest of us just do not (and can't) feel that way. "If you are angry, pining, frustrated, or unsure if you feel any emotion when you think of your ex, that means you are still connected, which signals that you need to unpack any emotional baggage before you think of reaching out.

It was mutual and, on good terms, it started.

If there are valid reasons for staying cordial (for example, you have common friends, kids, or you work in the same company), so you can be civil to each other by all means. All of us here are mature adults, right?

And if you were friends before, evidence proves that, regardless of who breaks up with whom, it is possible to go back to becoming friends again. The caveat: If during your previous relationship, one or both of you is romantically engaged in each other, you could (again) have difficulty keeping things platonic.

That is why it is usually a smart idea to wait until you have recovered from the breakup to rebuild a relationship that, depending on the extent of the separation, could take months or even years.

RELATED: Will Ex forget me during no contact?

 

How Does Your Partner Feel About It?

Here's a litmus test if you are not sure: Would you be good going out together with your ex and your new partner? If the answer is no, it will not work for you to be friends with your ex. Even if you just creep around, and you do not say your new S.O. that you are in touch with your ex, that is definitely a negative indication.

If your girlfriend, though, would be completely awesome to know or find out about your communication with your ex, then it is definitely okay to continue that link.

Finally, when you are with a new girlfriend, keeping in contact with an ex could cause you to (falsely) conclude that the grass is still greener.

You may think that things will be easier with anyone else, particularly when you are frustrated or irritated with your current S.O. This way of thinking, though, is a trap and could keep you from ever being happy where you are.

Remember, when you are not open to any of their annoying habits, it is often easy to romanticize the person you are no longer around.

Watch videos on How To Get Your Ex Back 

Why has my ex gone quiet?

Most of the reasons for this is that the ex is struggling to cope with the breakup. It does not mean that your ex is not hurting either, only because he wants to break up with you. As, while he does not think that you are both going to work as a couple or that it is the best time to be together for you both, he is always going to have some feelings for you.

This will find it really awkward to speak to you because he understands that he should not be with you. As if without the silent treatment, he would just find himself wanting to get back together, especially right now when the breakup was so new. So, for the time being, he prefers zero contact with you to protect himself, as this will encourage all of you to get the time required to recover.

Just note, while you are prepared to be friends, maybe he is not quite there yet, so do not push it!

RELATED: Why Men Give Silent Treatment After Breakup

Your Ex Is Setting Boundaries

Far too much, that is because we want to get back together with the ex when we get in contact with an ex. This is something that always works, as it will result in flirting and even catching up by beginning to talk again. Only remember, however, we all know a couple who are constantly heading back to breakup from breakup to reconciliation. For most of us, we just wish that they will stay apart for good, since it is apparent that they are not fit to be together.

So, the ex is potentially setting limits by choosing to grant the silent treatment. As those emotions should not be as raw from avoiding all contact for a limited period of time at least, and when you wish to speak, it should ideally be in more of the capacity of a mate. Think of it as a sort of social distancing that in the long run is better for both of you.

He needs a new beginning.

When it comes to the conclusion of a relationship, it does not matter if you want the breakup or if it was yours, it is often better to get a new start. This is not always as straightforward as you would imagine, though, as one of you always prefers to send a text, usually after a couple of drinks.

If he has made the decision to provide you with silent treatment, he is most definitely trying to get a new start away from your relationship. He does not want to get back together with you, and now he looks to heal you and move on.

This might not be perfect for you, particularly if you thought your relationship might be rekindled; but you have to take his feelings into account, and you need to let him go if he needs to move on.

 

How Do You Cope With He Gives The Silent Treatment?

Although you can appreciate why men offer silent treatment, it does not mean that it is a good experience. It does not have to be the end of the universe, though, especially if you use a few coping strategies to assist you during what may be called a very upsetting time in your life.

RELATED: How Long Does It Take For An Ex To Miss You With No Contact?

Get the latest updates on Plurk