Why Is The No Contact Rule So Effective?
Simply put, the no contact rule is a way to cut off all touch with an ex for a period of time so that you can allow space for each other to heal, rebound from the breakup, and maybe even get back together. It is a rule supported by some of the most popular relationship coaches around and it works for a reason.
There are some big benefits of using this rule, from encouraging all sides to re-establish and re-establish their current life without each other to set limits for some sort of relationship that might occur in the future.
The no contact rule breaks a relationship's addiction.
During a breakup, the only way to counteract the shortage of
happy chemicals. It is extremely difficult to adapt to the loss of oxytocin
produced when in a relationship, but cutting off your ex will help relieve the
pain considerably because any time you see or hear from him, you do not get the
familiar rush. It is worth remembering that the same chemical-releasing result
is also achieved by following an ex online, but the rule would also place the
kibosh on that.
Using the No Contact Rule to make an ex miss you and
integrate some much needed self-love into the process, you will move on better
than ever, if it does not work out. The three components of the mechanism are
described by as reactance, which trains you not to desire something only
because it is stripped away, self-improvement, and the addiction break listed
above.
READ MORE: Why Is The No Contact Rule So Effective After A Breakup?
Time and independence are big advantages of the no contact rule.
A post on Ex Back Expertise states that time and
independence are the two main benefits of the No Contact Rule, all of which
include an incentive to reflect on yourself, your goals, and what you truly
expect from life to come. It is proposed that a month is a successful litmus
test to see how the rule would work for you.
When you have been absolutely frank in the relationship, the
rule fits well. Try to tell your ex how you feel if you have not been honest,
not to demand an admission of guilt or to relieve the trauma incurred after the
break-up, but to get a clean slate so that you can move on.
Still watch out for signals that you need from your ex to
move on. The No Contact Rule, like everything else, is not unfailing so once
you use it, make sure you are of the right mind and willing to reflect instead
of on yourself.
Why is the No Contact Rule So Effective?
Cutting contact makes it easier for you to establish your
own closure so that your emotions can be repaired, dealt with and regain
energy. It allows the thoughts to be analyzed and eventually determines how to
proceed.
This is not just a "30/60/90-day schedule," or a
certain calculation. And it should never be a matter of eliciting an answer or
being childish, hurtful, spiteful or mean.
And like I said, the best One That Got Away, white horse
Jedi move you will ever make, is to have no contact. By your acts, you
graciously agree that this person will not give you what you want and need,
whether it be integrity, respect, consistency, maturity, responses, dedication,
etc.
Does the no contact rule really work?
I agree that one of the most powerful ways to level the
playing field and reclaim the control following a breakup is the No Contact
Rule. A lot of resources online (literally) market it as a way to get your ex
together. I have got two problems with this...
If it takes someone to lose you: to be honest with you, to
respect you, and to accept your worth... the relationship will never work. Why
limit yourself to a set of car keys where someone just knows how valuable and
necessary they are when they are lost?
You are essentially sharing with your ex, that you are good
with your "soulmate," that is to say that there is no narcissistic
influence and you really like. If you enforce No contact laws with your ex to
literally make him or her react, you freak out, and want you to go back.
This is how I can purify the No Contact Rule.
Do this for yourself, not for them. Do not do the no-contact
rule when you are trying to get your ex back; it is just being mischievous. We
are not going to want our exes back out of malice, are we? We do not want to
pin our ex after us when they see what they have missed, either. Do this when
you want to hold your own strength and know how you feel to control your own
life.
Decide when it makes you more balanced.
Do not rush to this decision because the social network has
caused you and even Venmo has deleted them automatically (true story of one of
my clients). Take a few days instead to rely on the thought and make a call
when your decision is peaceful.
If you intend on doing so, get a named friend for yourself.
Like me, I highly recommend that you substitute something
safe for the urge to text them, such as calling a friend or a family member.
You can not get rid of patterns, as the Force of Habit
suggests, but you can substitute them.
I hope it has been useful in this post. Drop a note down to
let me know if and how it goes and if you have done it before.
If you are looking for extra help at this time, make sure to
get in touch with me and book a consultation here.
I agree that the trick to getting over your ex is to
rediscover yourself in the process. Who knows... you could just find that it
brings you to the person with whom you are really supposed to be.
How long does it usually take for the no contact rule to work?
Let us be frank, there are certain situations where no
contact is not going to work out. If your ex has abandoned you for someone who
is madly in love with you, or if you have handled them so poorly that your
friends and relatives are all against you, no contact is going to work.
Yet you will be sure to get a response from your ex in the
vast majority of situations. They are going to start missing you. They are
going to start remembering all the good qualities of your relationship and
wonder if they have made a mistake. They could not reach out right away, but
there is always the seed you have planted.
The best thing about no contact is that whether your ex is
reaching out or not, it makes you a winner. Under the best case situation, your
ex is beginning to miss you so badly that they are begging you to take them
back. In the relationship, you now have the upper hand, and you are free to
decide if you really want them back. In the worse case situation, radio silence
is enforced by your ex. Now, though this may sound bad, is not it still better
than asking them to take you back? It does not only make it difficult for you
to stay in contact with your ex after a break up, but leaves you and others unattractive.
It is an act of desperation to ask someone who breaks up with you to take you
back. It sends a message: I am willing to have someone who does not want me
with me. For anything less than love, I am able to compromise for it. And that
makes them less of you in their eyes.
Finally, there is normally no contact. And it helps you to
retain the upper hand and, most importantly, your pride, even in situations
when it does not work. Think about it, even if your ex would not beg to get
you, they will always be fascinated with the atmosphere of suspense you create
in the time with no contact by keeping radio silence.
How do you stay strong during no contact?
This is the trauma bond. I know it is terrible, but you have
to stay with your own comfort and emotional wellbeing.
First of all, you have to realize that this person is toxic
and is never going to improve. When you interact with the narcissist, the brain
produces dopamine, the emotions you experience are natural, which allows you to
feel comfortable and secure. It is not the true narcissist you like when you
learn about it, it is the dopamine published.
This is what triggered the trauma bond, that you have been
so used to being violated that your brain releases the dopamine as they try to
fake niceness to you. Because you have not been in contact with the dopamine
that you do not have, it is very much like a drug abuser who needs to be high.
First of all, you have to realize that this person will never ever improve.
This is very normal. In making no contact, you have done the right thing, you
have to know that this person is toxic to everyone, even themselves, they come
into contact with.
Start by tossing the pedestal off your ex.
Write down all the mean things they said and did to you on a
bit of paper and how you felt. Read it over again and again. Tell yourself what
this person is going to give me? Peace, pleasure, devotion, love? No, there is
none of the above. This is going to pass, I promise you, but you have to stay
solid, you have to do this for your own protection. The narcissist offers them
food and fuel is a reward. Would you really expect someone to praise you for
having abused you? Remeber the person you were before you met the narcissist,
the person is coming back, but you need to fight for him, you need to fight
this temptation to contact your abuser. I am going to hear it again. I do
not care if you have to read this or the response from someone else 20 times a
day, if it prevents you from messaging your abuser, so read and read.
My friend, I am giving you my word, you are going to get
your happiness back, and you are also going to find someone who is capable of
restoring the love you have to give. When you leave negative people in the
past, amazing things happen. Do this, you May.
READ: Top Get Ex Back Resources
What is the point of the no contact rule?
The heart of yours is precious. Treat yourself as such.
You try to hold them accountable for your satisfaction by
obsessing about a previous love partner. Which puts you in a dangerously
precarious role where for someone who seems to be a "knight in shining
armor," it would be easy to collapse. Making it all the more necessary to
take back your heart and defend your space.
Your happily ever did not work out, this time, ever since.
That does not mean that later you will not have the ability to love. And, of
course, it is not difficult to reconnect with people who have gone their own
different ways. However, either way, you give your personal devotion and
treatment to yourself.
You must ensure that the wellbeing of your mind and heart is
transparent, not desperate decisions. Please do not forfeit the right to make
clear decisions only in order not to be alone.
Now you have got space to breathe and start healing.
When your space has been cleaned out, start healing and
reconnecting with yourself. Since you and everyone else around you would
benefit from being well rounded, independent, and self-confident.
Ok, here's a little list of what it felt like to me.
Spend more time with people who genuinely love and care for
me. This encouraged me to accept love and respect from people other than the
former.
Establish my personal limits and secure them. It was
profoundly empowering to understand what my values are and feel confident
enough to stick by them.
Replace old routines with fresh, enjoyable routines. Rather
than feeling a hole, this made me enjoy my days.
Do things that I loved prior to the relationship. This made
me realize that before him, I had been able to live a real life.
Indulge in meals and things that I love that I give up for
the former. I did not know that I was depriving myself too much!
Fresh hobbies to explore. Seeking something different helps
fill the mind with curiosity and joy.
Only try a fresh look. I colored ombre pink on my hair and
it was the most fun I have ever had in a long, long time!
Enter the workout studio. I might not be able to lift
weights, but I do, like Shakira, lift Zumba.
Volunteer to offer support to the less fortunate. This will
be a MUST. Helping others would encourage me to get away from my head and see
that I am not useless. I will lead to make another person's life easier!
It may not feel right now, but you are all sorts of amazing,
worthy of true love, satisfaction and prosperity. So keep telling yourself that
for a reason, you are not going to have any Contact. Do this correctly and
allow yourself an opportunity to recover, reboot, and expand.
Did you follow the No Contact Rule? Are you curious why you
have not been called by your ex? Many people do not initiate contact with
unreal hopes and panic when they stop. After a breakup, figure out the traps
and heartache of life, and do not slip into the trap of making these typical
mistakes.
RELATED: 4 Signs The No Contact Rule Is Working
What should you not do during no contact?
Did you follow the No Contact Rule? Are you curious why you have
not been called by your ex? Many people starting no contact when it finishes
with false hopes and fear. After a breakup, figure out the traps and heartache
of life, and do not slip into the trap of making these typical mistakes.
No Contact Miskake #1: Keeping up your Life
The 30 days with no contact was intended to motivate you to
get back on track with your life. You had 30 days to establish a new normal and
to set up a new balanced schedule. Without that person, you need to use them as
a chance to recall what your life looks and sounds like instead of thinking
about those 30 days as an intrusion of your life. Do not get lost and start
thinking that the time with no contact is an obstruction of your life because
the reverse is true: your individual life is what you put on hold during your
relationship, and after those 30 days are over, you get to decide if that
relationship actually changes your life.
No Contact Mistake #2: Setting a Deadline
The setting of a deadline never succeeds. First, you must be
willing to follow through, and then, you must first of all have a compelling
justification for setting a deadline. In comparison, emotional violence can
also be deemed to be the behavior. You are issuing an ultimatum to pressure
your ex-partner to do what you want to do while you want to.
So, using a conceptual scenario, let us work on this. Assume
that 30 days of no contact have been achieved and decide to meet your ex
girlfriend. You are thinking about how best to do this and plan to leave it for
a couple of days. In order to see how they are, you then give your ex a casual
text message.
Now react as frankly as you possibly can to the following
question.
Is not the solution blindly clear if it has been published
in black and white and is not for you directly?
Communication is much like a tennis game. Player 1 strikes
the ball and it is recovered by Player 2. Player 1 strikes the ball again and
it is struck back by Player 2. You are getting the picture. For interacting
with your ex, the same trend should occur. What you are not expected to do is:
A) With a flurry of tweets, bombard your ex.
B) Get extremely pissed off and deliver an ultimatum.
After a week has passed, it is all right to send a second message only to check if the first one has been answered. If, after the second contact, you do not hear back, so you need to move on and forget about it.
READ MORE: Get More Advice on Relationships
No Contact Miskake #3: Having a Rebound Relationship
Rebound partnerships are never a positive term at all. You
may assume that you are telling your ex that you have moved on, but in fact you
are only showing signs of desperation and vulnerability. You prove that you are
not strong enough to live on your own and that you need someone to hold on to
you.
Initially, it can increase your self-esteem to be in another
relationship. This is expected, though, to be short-lived. When only a brief
amount of time has expired since your breakup, it is more than possible that
you can continuously equate your current date with the flawless illusion that
your ex holds. Instead of admiring the attributes that the new person has, you
can reflect on something they do not have. Not only can this make you feel
depressed and frustrated, but it is disrespectful to the woman you are dating.
Rebound partnerships seldom work for this purpose. You have
to give yourself time to work through the grief and to open your heart to the
chance of finding love again. It would never work to swap your ex for someone
you deem to be the second best.
Your absence would not make a difference if your presence
does not make an impression.
READ MORE: Get more resources about Ex Back Expertise
How do you know no contact is working?
So you have recently agreed not to make any contact, some
time has passed, and you are curious how to say if no contact is successful.
Well, there are a few things that you need to look at,
particularly how you feel and if there is something your ex has done to get
your attention.
When it comes to how you feel, a strong sign of no contact
functioning is that you usually feel more positive, fulfilled and at ease even
though you have gone through a breakup.
Another indication that no contact is effective is if your
ex attempts to gain your attention by chatting to common friends about you and
trying to figure out what you do on your social media and playing around.
No contact needs time to be able to work
Often I meet people who sell no contact rule on the
thirty-day idea, but who end up confused, frenzied and angry when it does not
work.
The truth of the matter is that there is no fixed time on
when no contact can bring on what you desire.
It works better if an infinite amount of time is added.
In this way, instead of sticking to your ex's dream of
getting back in 30 days, you come to the conclusion that he or she might never
come back and that everything is all right.
You acknowledge the probability and fact that during this
time the only thing you can manage is yourself.
If you can get your mind around the notion and use no
contact as a way to move forward, positive things are going to start happening.
READ MORE: Why Is The No Contact Rule Effective
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