Why Is The No Contact Rule So Effective?




Simply put, the no contact rule is a way to cut off all touch with an ex for a period of time so that you can allow space for each other to heal, rebound from the breakup, and maybe even get back together. It is a rule supported by some of the most popular relationship coaches around and it works for a reason.

There are some big benefits of using this rule, from encouraging all sides to re-establish and re-establish their current life without each other to set limits for some sort of relationship that might occur in the future. 


The no contact rule breaks a relationship's addiction.

During a breakup, the only way to counteract the shortage of happy chemicals. It is extremely difficult to adapt to the loss of oxytocin produced when in a relationship, but cutting off your ex will help relieve the pain considerably because any time you see or hear from him, you do not get the familiar rush. It is worth remembering that the same chemical-releasing result is also achieved by following an ex online, but the rule would also place the kibosh on that.

Using the No Contact Rule to make an ex miss you and integrate some much needed self-love into the process, you will move on better than ever, if it does not work out. The three components of the mechanism are described by as reactance, which trains you not to desire something only because it is stripped away, self-improvement, and the addiction break listed above.

READ MORE: Why Is The No Contact Rule So Effective After A Breakup?

 

Time and independence are big advantages of the no contact rule.

A post on Ex Back Expertise states that time and independence are the two main benefits of the No Contact Rule, all of which include an incentive to reflect on yourself, your goals, and what you truly expect from life to come. It is proposed that a month is a successful litmus test to see how the rule would work for you.

When you have been absolutely frank in the relationship, the rule fits well. Try to tell your ex how you feel if you have not been honest, not to demand an admission of guilt or to relieve the trauma incurred after the break-up, but to get a clean slate so that you can move on.

Still watch out for signals that you need from your ex to move on. The No Contact Rule, like everything else, is not unfailing so once you use it, make sure you are of the right mind and willing to reflect instead of on yourself.

RELATED: Should I Contact My Ex After A Breakup? 


Why is the No Contact Rule So Effective?

Cutting contact makes it easier for you to establish your own closure so that your emotions can be repaired, dealt with and regain energy. It allows the thoughts to be analyzed and eventually determines how to proceed.

This is not just a "30/60/90-day schedule," or a certain calculation. And it should never be a matter of eliciting an answer or being childish, hurtful, spiteful or mean.

And like I said, the best One That Got Away, white horse Jedi move you will ever make, is to have no contact. By your acts, you graciously agree that this person will not give you what you want and need, whether it be integrity, respect, consistency, maturity, responses, dedication, etc.

 

Does the no contact rule really work?

I agree that one of the most powerful ways to level the playing field and reclaim the control following a breakup is the No Contact Rule. A lot of resources online (literally) market it as a way to get your ex together. I have got two problems with this...

If it takes someone to lose you: to be honest with you, to respect you, and to accept your worth... the relationship will never work. Why limit yourself to a set of car keys where someone just knows how valuable and necessary they are when they are lost?

You are essentially sharing with your ex, that you are good with your "soulmate," that is to say that there is no narcissistic influence and you really like. If you enforce No contact laws with your ex to literally make him or her react, you freak out, and want you to go back.

This is how I can purify the No Contact Rule.

Do this for yourself, not for them. Do not do the no-contact rule when you are trying to get your ex back; it is just being mischievous. We are not going to want our exes back out of malice, are we? We do not want to pin our ex after us when they see what they have missed, either. Do this when you want to hold your own strength and know how you feel to control your own life.

Decide when it makes you more balanced.

Do not rush to this decision because the social network has caused you and even Venmo has deleted them automatically (true story of one of my clients). Take a few days instead to rely on the thought and make a call when your decision is peaceful.

If you intend on doing so, get a named friend for yourself.

Like me, I highly recommend that you substitute something safe for the urge to text them, such as calling a friend or a family member.

You can not get rid of patterns, as the Force of Habit suggests, but you can substitute them.

I hope it has been useful in this post. Drop a note down to let me know if and how it goes and if you have done it before.

If you are looking for extra help at this time, make sure to get in touch with me and book a consultation here.

I agree that the trick to getting over your ex is to rediscover yourself in the process. Who knows... you could just find that it brings you to the person with whom you are really supposed to be.

 

How long does it usually take for the no contact rule to work?

Let us be frank, there are certain situations where no contact is not going to work out. If your ex has abandoned you for someone who is madly in love with you, or if you have handled them so poorly that your friends and relatives are all against you, no contact is going to work.

Yet you will be sure to get a response from your ex in the vast majority of situations. They are going to start missing you. They are going to start remembering all the good qualities of your relationship and wonder if they have made a mistake. They could not reach out right away, but there is always the seed you have planted.

The best thing about no contact is that whether your ex is reaching out or not, it makes you a winner. Under the best case situation, your ex is beginning to miss you so badly that they are begging you to take them back. In the relationship, you now have the upper hand, and you are free to decide if you really want them back. In the worse case situation, radio silence is enforced by your ex. Now, though this may sound bad, is not it still better than asking them to take you back? It does not only make it difficult for you to stay in contact with your ex after a break up, but leaves you and others unattractive. It is an act of desperation to ask someone who breaks up with you to take you back. It sends a message: I am willing to have someone who does not want me with me. For anything less than love, I am able to compromise for it. And that makes them less of you in their eyes.

Finally, there is normally no contact. And it helps you to retain the upper hand and, most importantly, your pride, even in situations when it does not work. Think about it, even if your ex would not beg to get you, they will always be fascinated with the atmosphere of suspense you create in the time with no contact by keeping radio silence.

RELATED: How Effective Is The No Contact Rule? 


How do you stay strong during no contact?

This is the trauma bond. I know it is terrible, but you have to stay with your own comfort and emotional wellbeing.

First of all, you have to realize that this person is toxic and is never going to improve. When you interact with the narcissist, the brain produces dopamine, the emotions you experience are natural, which allows you to feel comfortable and secure. It is not the true narcissist you like when you learn about it, it is the dopamine published.

This is what triggered the trauma bond, that you have been so used to being violated that your brain releases the dopamine as they try to fake niceness to you. Because you have not been in contact with the dopamine that you do not have, it is very much like a drug abuser who needs to be high. First of all, you have to realize that this person will never ever improve. This is very normal. In making no contact, you have done the right thing, you have to know that this person is toxic to everyone, even themselves, they come into contact with.

Start by tossing the pedestal off your ex.

Write down all the mean things they said and did to you on a bit of paper and how you felt. Read it over again and again. Tell yourself what this person is going to give me? Peace, pleasure, devotion, love? No, there is none of the above. This is going to pass, I promise you, but you have to stay solid, you have to do this for your own protection. The narcissist offers them food and fuel is a reward. Would you really expect someone to praise you for having abused you? Remeber the person you were before you met the narcissist, the person is coming back, but you need to fight for him, you need to fight this temptation to contact your abuser.  I am going to hear it again. I do not care if you have to read this or the response from someone else 20 times a day, if it prevents you from messaging your abuser, so read and read.

My friend, I am giving you my word, you are going to get your happiness back, and you are also going to find someone who is capable of restoring the love you have to give. When you leave negative people in the past, amazing things happen. Do this, you May.

READ: Top Get Ex Back Resources




 

What is the point of the no contact rule?

The heart of yours is precious. Treat yourself as such.

You try to hold them accountable for your satisfaction by obsessing about a previous love partner. Which puts you in a dangerously precarious role where for someone who seems to be a "knight in shining armor," it would be easy to collapse. Making it all the more necessary to take back your heart and defend your space.

Your happily ever did not work out, this time, ever since. That does not mean that later you will not have the ability to love. And, of course, it is not difficult to reconnect with people who have gone their own different ways. However, either way, you give your personal devotion and treatment to yourself.

You must ensure that the wellbeing of your mind and heart is transparent, not desperate decisions. Please do not forfeit the right to make clear decisions only in order not to be alone.

Now you have got space to breathe and start healing.

When your space has been cleaned out, start healing and reconnecting with yourself. Since you and everyone else around you would benefit from being well rounded, independent, and self-confident.

Ok, here's a little list of what it felt like to me.

Spend more time with people who genuinely love and care for me. This encouraged me to accept love and respect from people other than the former.

Establish my personal limits and secure them. It was profoundly empowering to understand what my values are and feel confident enough to stick by them.

Replace old routines with fresh, enjoyable routines. Rather than feeling a hole, this made me enjoy my days.

Do things that I loved prior to the relationship. This made me realize that before him, I had been able to live a real life.

Indulge in meals and things that I love that I give up for the former. I did not know that I was depriving myself too much!

Fresh hobbies to explore. Seeking something different helps fill the mind with curiosity and joy.

Only try a fresh look. I colored ombre pink on my hair and it was the most fun I have ever had in a long, long time!

Enter the workout studio. I might not be able to lift weights, but I do, like Shakira, lift Zumba.

Volunteer to offer support to the less fortunate. This will be a MUST. Helping others would encourage me to get away from my head and see that I am not useless. I will lead to make another person's life easier!

It may not feel right now, but you are all sorts of amazing, worthy of true love, satisfaction and prosperity. So keep telling yourself that for a reason, you are not going to have any Contact. Do this correctly and allow yourself an opportunity to recover, reboot, and expand.

Did you follow the No Contact Rule? Are you curious why you have not been called by your ex? Many people do not initiate contact with unreal hopes and panic when they stop. After a breakup, figure out the traps and heartache of life, and do not slip into the trap of making these typical mistakes.

RELATED: 4 Signs The No Contact Rule Is Working

 

What should you not do during no contact?

Did you follow the No Contact Rule? Are you curious why you have not been called by your ex? Many people starting no contact when it finishes with false hopes and fear. After a breakup, figure out the traps and heartache of life, and do not slip into the trap of making these typical mistakes.

No Contact Miskake #1: Keeping up your Life

The 30 days with no contact was intended to motivate you to get back on track with your life. You had 30 days to establish a new normal and to set up a new balanced schedule. Without that person, you need to use them as a chance to recall what your life looks and sounds like instead of thinking about those 30 days as an intrusion of your life. Do not get lost and start thinking that the time with no contact is an obstruction of your life because the reverse is true: your individual life is what you put on hold during your relationship, and after those 30 days are over, you get to decide if that relationship actually changes your life.

No Contact Mistake #2: Setting a Deadline

The setting of a deadline never succeeds. First, you must be willing to follow through, and then, you must first of all have a compelling justification for setting a deadline. In comparison, emotional violence can also be deemed to be the behavior. You are issuing an ultimatum to pressure your ex-partner to do what you want to do while you want to.

So, using a conceptual scenario, let us work on this. Assume that 30 days of no contact have been achieved and decide to meet your ex girlfriend. You are thinking about how best to do this and plan to leave it for a couple of days. In order to see how they are, you then give your ex a casual text message.

Now react as frankly as you possibly can to the following question.

Is not the solution blindly clear if it has been published in black and white and is not for you directly?

Communication is much like a tennis game. Player 1 strikes the ball and it is recovered by Player 2. Player 1 strikes the ball again and it is struck back by Player 2. You are getting the picture. For interacting with your ex, the same trend should occur. What you are not expected to do is:

A) With a flurry of tweets, bombard your ex.

B) Get extremely pissed off and deliver an ultimatum.

After a week has passed, it is all right to send a second message only to check if the first one has been answered. If, after the second contact, you do not hear back, so you need to move on and forget about it.

READ MORE: Get More Advice on Relationships


No Contact Miskake #3: Having a Rebound Relationship

Rebound partnerships are never a positive term at all. You may assume that you are telling your ex that you have moved on, but in fact you are only showing signs of desperation and vulnerability. You prove that you are not strong enough to live on your own and that you need someone to hold on to you.

Initially, it can increase your self-esteem to be in another relationship. This is expected, though, to be short-lived. When only a brief amount of time has expired since your breakup, it is more than possible that you can continuously equate your current date with the flawless illusion that your ex holds. Instead of admiring the attributes that the new person has, you can reflect on something they do not have. Not only can this make you feel depressed and frustrated, but it is disrespectful to the woman you are dating.

Rebound partnerships seldom work for this purpose. You have to give yourself time to work through the grief and to open your heart to the chance of finding love again. It would never work to swap your ex for someone you deem to be the second best.

Your absence would not make a difference if your presence does not make an impression.

READ MORE: Get more resources about Ex Back Expertise

 

How do you know no contact is working?

So you have recently agreed not to make any contact, some time has passed, and you are curious how to say if no contact is successful.

Well, there are a few things that you need to look at, particularly how you feel and if there is something your ex has done to get your attention.

When it comes to how you feel, a strong sign of no contact functioning is that you usually feel more positive, fulfilled and at ease even though you have gone through a breakup.

Another indication that no contact is effective is if your ex attempts to gain your attention by chatting to common friends about you and trying to figure out what you do on your social media and playing around.

No contact needs time to be able to work

Often I meet people who sell no contact rule on the thirty-day idea, but who end up confused, frenzied and angry when it does not work.

The truth of the matter is that there is no fixed time on when no contact can bring on what you desire.

It works better if an infinite amount of time is added.

In this way, instead of sticking to your ex's dream of getting back in 30 days, you come to the conclusion that he or she might never come back and that everything is all right.

You acknowledge the probability and fact that during this time the only thing you can manage is yourself.

If you can get your mind around the notion and use no contact as a way to move forward, positive things are going to start happening.

READ MORE: Why Is The No Contact Rule Effective

Comments

Popular Posts